Emotional Roller Coaster

I feel like I'm up in the clouds, but on a bumpy ride that any second could drop me back down or in another loop and have me upside down again...

The biopsied tissue did not show any cancer cells!!  {UP UP UP IN THE CLOUDS!!!}  BUT there was not a lot of tissue able to be examined, it could still be cancer.  {Uh-Oh... starting to get bumpy again}  We need to do another CT scan of the face/neck area and more blood work to find out why I have this pain in my lymphatic system.

So, I may not have the final word, but it is good news right now!  Many questions have yet to be answered.  I asked the docs, if it turns out it isn't cancer, why are there these lymph nodes growing in my body?  The answer was vague- well it could be your immune system starting back up so your nodes swell (sounds good to me!), it could be a virus (that's a long virus I've been fighting then, over 2 months seems excessive), it could be some random swelling due to exercising (Really?  In only three tiny spots that just happen to be lymph nodes less than two centimeters diameter?), it could be that PET scans aren't perfect and make mistakes (twice, six weeks apart? Doubt it),  it could still be cancer (boo), or it could be nothing (this option gets my vote!).  When I pressed the issue and asked the nurse why the lymph nodes would "light up" in the scan from taking up the contrast that usually only cancer cells pick up, she side-stepped the question and started talking about something else.  In other words, she didn't know.

I feel like I've received a short reprieve, and that I'm still waiting.  I guess I better get used to it, because I could be waiting a long time.  There might not be more answers after my CT scan and blood work come back (appointment with doc is scheduled for Nov. 2, so there'll be another blog post then).  The docs still want to keep an eye on these enlarged lymph nodes and continue doing regularly scheduled PET scans.  And they want me to let them know if I have any new symptoms come up.

Do you see why I want to jump for joy while at the same time I still feel subdued??  It's a very weird feeling!  But I will take this morning's result over the one I was expecting.  And I will continue to pray with all my heart that the results keep getting more and more clear!  Though I'll still take murky results, if that's what I have to have.  So much better than the alternative!

I can't help but feel the Lord's hand in this.  I have felt peace over the last few weeks as I've struggled to deal with 'dirty' scans and the possibility of having to face all of this again.  I have felt so many people supporting me and praying with me and my family.  I am so incredibly grateful for the outpouring of love I've received and continue to receive.  Though I know it's not fun for anyone to go on this particular roller coaster, I am grateful to have such wonderful friends and family along for the ride!